Want to part ways amicably? Explore how to achieve a friendly divorce, ensuring a respectful and harmonious process for a smoother transition.
Years ago, you stood at the altar saying, “I do.” You most likely never imagined that your happy beginning would end in divorce. It’s not something that anyone could plan for.
It leaves your emotions raw and vulnerable to further pain and anger. It’s not easy to end things amicably, but in the end, it’s better for everyone involved. This is especially true if there are kids caught in the middle.
The question is, how do you have a friendly divorce when all you want to do is scream? Continue reading to find out.
Don’t Let a Bumpy Start Define You
There are a million reasons why two people get divorced, communication and finances being the top two. No matter the reason, you most likely won’t start divorce proceedings with a clear head, but don’t let a bumpy start define you.
If your ex uses petty revenge tactics, it can be tempting to match that energy, but it won’t make you feel better. In fact, revenge could make you feel worse.
This doesn’t mean you’re not allowed to be upset about your divorce. It only means that you should speak to a mental health professional or rant to a friend instead of putting the blame on your ex and giving in to your anger or letting your ex get under your skin.
Don’t Rush Into Things
You don’t have to rush into the proceedings as soon as you decide to get a divorce. Taking on the emotional toll that comes from the divorce process is never easy, but it can be even worse when the wound is still so fresh.
Give yourself time to grieve your relationship before you begin the paperwork. Go see a counselor to work through your emotions. It will give you a safe space to process everything without judgment.
Don’t Complain in Front of the Kids
When it comes to children in divorce, avoid getting them caught in the middle. While it’s healthy to vent, you should never do so in front of your kids. Save your frustrations for when you’re with your friends.
Complaining about your ex in front of your children makes them feel like they have to take a side. When your kids are out with your ex, your words may make them feel guilty about it.
Complaining about your ex could make them the bad guy in the eyes of your children. This will most likely turn your peaceful divorce into a war.
Don’t Try to Be Friends
This may seem like it contradicts having an amicable divorce, but don’t try to be friends with your ex. Years down the road, there may come a time when you’re having coffee with your ex on the weekend, but it’s not something you should force yourself to do right away.
Wait for your wounds to heal before you extend the olive branch of friendship.
Avoid Assuming the Worst
While your ex might be out to get you or hurt you, it’s not something you should assume. If you go into the divorce proceedings with that mindset, it will cause problems throughout the process. You may be more openly antagonistic.
Instead of assuming the worst, give your ex the benefit of the doubt. They’re most likely doing their best, but the divorce is hard for them as well.
Set Your Priorities
Before starting divorce proceedings, take a moment to set your priorities. What do you want out of the divorce? Know where you’re willing to compromise and where you’re going to have to put your foot down.
Knowing what you want going in will make the negotiation process go much smoother. You’ll be less likely to get into a fight during the discussion.
Of course, you will need to be amicable during the negotiation proceedings. Maintain your resolve, but be willing to hear your ex out.
Consider Your Shared Goals
Shared goals are things that both you and your ex are responsible for. A child is a good example of this. You both want to see your little one flourish.
Focus on your shared goals throughout the divorce proceedings. In the case of your child, you have to do your best to put your differences aside so you can co-parent effectively.
Consider Divorce Mediation
Divorce is stressful. This stress can lead to heightened emotions and hurt feelings throughout the process. That’s why many couples opt for divorce mediation.
A mediation professional is a third unbiased party. They sit down with the couple and keep them focused on their goals rather than their anger toward each other.
Mediation is also better for the children involved in the divorce. If you and your spouse can’t come to an agreement, it will be time for court proceedings where your child will be asked to choose between you or your ex.
A mediator can help you and your spouse decide on a peaceful arrangement for the kids without it coming to that. They will always put your kids first. These are only a few benefits of hiring a mediator.
Throughout the divorce proceedings, there is one thing you need to remember. Your ex is also going through a divorce. They’re most likely just as stressed and upset as you are.
That’s why one of the secrets to a peaceful divorce is empathy. If you’re kind and understanding, it’s likely that your ex will meet you with the same energy. The same goes if you’re angry and bitter.
Set Your Boundaries
Everyone has their own boundaries. When going through a divorce, it’s important to set yours.
When you were married, you most likely texted your spouse throughout the day while you were both at work. You don’t have to do that now. If you don’t want them to contact you during a certain time of day, let that be known, but be professional about it.
Tips to Achieve a Friendly Divorce
It can feel impossible to achieve a friendly divorce. The situation is stressful, and there are a lot of hurt feelings involved with the process, but we’re here to tell you it’s possible.
At Fairwell Family Law Mediation, our guides have decades of experience helping couples come to a peaceful understanding during their divorce. Contact us to get started!